A Servant's Heart: Christian&Dating

Thursday March 5th, 2015

I pray anyone reading this is in good health. If like me there has been a whirlwind of things happening, maybe your home or space where you go to relax may not be the best oasis to go to, I want to encourage you to be still and know the Lord hasn't forsaken you. He is right there with you, rooting for your life, He has a plan for you. Setting our eyes and hope in Him, we gain that everlasting peace.

Before I go into the blog, I would like to explain why I used the word "dating" in the title. I have received deep understanding and revelation on how the Lord wants us to conduct relationships His way. As Christians we actually are not called to date, but enter into courtship...(you can read the difference between the two HERE) I used the word because in the world, the word dating is synonymous with courtship and I wanted a space where those that profess Christ, could come to learn God's standards of relationships accompanied with their bible.

If you've been following my blog you know the Lord placed in my heart 10 topics to blog about. This will be blog number seven and I am grateful to God its on a topic that the church needs major reform in. In a God lead world, the first person you choose to pursue would be the only one you marry, choose to love, commit yourself to and even have sex with. That is what God's will is, and even though right now the world may not see this as the way to go, those in the church should really want to adopt this ideal because there is always a blessing when obeying God.

The first thing to consider when looking to enter a relationship is this bible verse found in

Colossians 2:8

Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.

As followers of Christ, this verse talks to those in the church. It makes us understand we are not to follow the traditions of man, but the instructions of Christ. When it comes to dating, the traditions of the world leave pieces of you with other people, it leaves you emotionally scared and wounded, and more than likely would cause you to remain single much longer than God intended for you to remain.

I. Let's first talk about the Act of dating and location

You know the typical date the world tells you to set up. Boy meets girl and asks her out, or now a days many woman will ask men out(I have been there sighs), and then the typical outing happens, a date to the movies, restaurant, or any other venue. At the end of the these dates the world portrays there is something scandalous that has to happen whether its just a kiss on the first date, second base on the second day, and maybe full on sex on the third date. This is just how the world see things.

As Christians we don’t want to associate with this ideology of dating before marriage. I heard this awesome quote, that "I should want to date my husband AFTER I married". That's exactly it!! When we are married we can enjoy our husbands with as many bases we want to cross, and go to any location we want to go to. But the world sees dating as an act to be done before marriage. This is what as caused so many homes to split apart once married, and so many singles who desire marriage to remain single. The life long mystery that's to be found in another person , which is what makes marriage exciting to enter, gets stripped away when we choose to date, over-romanticize and even have sex before committing to marriage.

(Photo credit David AlanCampbell)

II. So Janet how do we get to find our spouse if we don't go on dates pre-marriage

Sister, it's really simple. As a Christian we are to live in the spirit and not the flesh so therefore in finding a spouse we are to pray. There is NOTHING more, we cannot find out, than in prayer. A strong relationship with God through prayer is the best way for God to reveal your spouse to you. Throughout the bible, God has and does encourages us a pray. God has revealed many things to many bible characters through prayer.

Galatians 5:16

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

Philippians 4:6

-in every thing by prayer and supplication with.. let your requests be made known unto God.

Mark 11:24

I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.

Prayer is a mystery so this may be a concept you may not fully understand, especially if you've dated the world's way. But it's important to know, now we are in Christ his ways are NOT of this world. We must renew our minds and go back to His original plan of things. It's the only way to have a love story written by Him. In prayer you can ask God in general what his plans are for your life in the area of marriage; Or you can bring a specific name to God and ask if that person is God's will for you. God will answer you if you have a relationship with him. If you are serving him, he will respond. It may not be in a loud audible voice but he will reveal himself through the impression of the heart, whether you have heartaches or you have peace, or he will just reveal positive or negative things about a person through the course of time. Prayer also helps avoid falling into sexual temptation. As a child of God, you really don’t need to go out with a person initially to get to know them. Pray to get conformation that they are the one for you, then you can start to talk to them get to know them, and hang out with them in person when you definitely know marriage is the goal in the very near future. Conviction is what solidifies our actions in the spiritual realm, conviction is what we should strive for with our future spouse.

III. Lastly dating prepares you for a lifetime of skewed love.

While we may think dating and going out with guy 1,2,3,4 and up is harmless and is just a routine we need to go through to find our spouse, in fact it sets us up to think love is superficial, easily broken and does not posses the characteristics of love portrayed in the bible. When we get married, the endurance needed to stay married to our spouse through aging and stressful times that may occur, would have been wasted while we went on a roller coaster of test driving people in our single(being in a relationship and not married means you are still single) years. Does it really make sense for us to say we want to marry one person for the rest of our lives, but then sleep with 1,2,3,4,5 guys before that? Or date 12 people and kiss those twelve?

As I also prepare for the next phase in my life, the Lord put this thought in my mind. He told me, He sees my desire for marriage but am I willing to stay and be committed through thick and thin, would I leave or lose my salvation if something devastating happened to my future husband a short while into my marriage. The point is societies image of marriage is so damaging, and to desire this institution, to enter this institution, you must be ready for the inevitable. I must have conviction so deep about who I marry, that NOTHING the Lord has put together shall be separated. The world makes relationships romantic, fun, lovey dovey, and sex filled. Real love is comforting and can be romantic but it transcends these surface level thinking. It is taking someone else as your own skin and loving them no matter what. How you prepare for marriage is important, and it must start with our thinking.

Dating the world's way, what you see on most Lifetime movies, reality shows, 50 shades of Gray, and romance books, will cause you to fail in building endurance in a relationship. As Christians, God wants a different story for us, he wants our love to last so we cannot do things the worlds way.

Singles, God is preparing a love story that will be worth the wait in doing it His way!

To be able to get God's best for you, you must have a relationship with him. There was a time when I would profess to be a Christian but still lived in deep sin. For God to hear your prayers concerning this area, and allow you to pursue a Godly relationship His way and not worlds way, you must confess your sins, turn from ways that displease God and choose to serve him. To start this relationship with God check out this page.

John 9:31

Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.

I can't wait to hear the testimony of God's will being done in your life, because you choose to do things His way and not the world's way