So you want to Get Married? (Marriage Committee: What is that?!)

Thursday August 15th, 2013

Ok, so I met this guy. He is really really good looking..Oh God help me he is FYNE. He is Born Again, like he is a genuine Born Again Christian, so you know how I love men of GOD...they are the Leaders of our future home. Ok so he has his bills together, he is educated and so smart! Girl he has everything on my LIST. He loves to work out, eat nice food, pray, plus he is a member of my church! And bonus the conversations are so good! God have mercy, I feel something, I need to start praying, help me pray sis.

PAUSE

This is a typical conversation of many of us Christian Girls when we first meet a guy and some of us even say OH, "I def saw the will of God", "he is my Husband", I mean ok you may have seen the will of God but then you question if he really is the will because based on your feelings ALONE he qualifies.

GIRL SLOW DOWN, SLOW YOUR ROLL. Let's talk a bit:

I totally understand, this has happened to me. Maybe it's even happening to me now lol. Difference is though I am laying my feelings totally at the feet of Jesus are you?

Sis, I understand marriage is a big desire of yours, even though you are pursing the things of Christ wholeheartedly like (Matthew 6:33), you still pray for God to protect your husband till he finds you. Although you may desire marriage, sis it's not to be taken lightly by ANY-MEANS. It's not to be labeled and thrown on any guy that may meet all your checks and check nots. It's not a thing to enter if you haven't gotten certain things done and completed.

So you want to be married? Let me share with you some biblical principles on what you need to do before you should think about marriage and to entertain a guy as more than a church friend or brother in Christ...because if you and this "church brother in Christ" are really enjoying talking and looking at each other, if he says God saw the will of God in marrying  are you ready to drop your entire SINGLE life to marry him, submit to him and really die of your flesh, wants and needs daily?! 

       1. You MUST be a Born Again Christian: 

Galatians 2:20

 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Once you become a  born again Christian you allow God to be your everything. He starts plucking and weeding out the bad in your life and replacing it with the Good. He starts to show you submission you'll need to submit to your husband, as you submit to God's will and commandments. There are things God may show you that your husband may not show you when you get into an argument in courtship and marriage. You must be really in tune with your spirit.  A couple that stays together PRAYS together. Prayer only can be done effectively when you have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. 

       2. You must be be able to hear God's voice:

John 5:30

 I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.

Now we are living for Jesus, our old life is done away with and now we are new creatures. We must now understand, nothing including mere friendship, courting and marriage must not be done without Gods consent. You have to be able to clearly hear from God. I am not saying look for a thunderstorm a burning bush, or something real DRAMATIC to know it's God. God simply works in subtle ways. Not having peace when God is the king of peace is a sign something is not right and needs to be looked into. Whatever God has used in your life to show you something, God can and will use that. Just remember though, God asks you to listen and obey him in little things before he will trust you with bigger things.

       3. GET your education and purpose as a SINGLE person right:

Proverbs 31: 13

 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

Proverbs 31:24 

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Listen this was me; I knew I wanted to finish college before marrying. But I am thinking ok I can meet my husband now in college and then by the time I finish college, we'll have courted gotten to know each other and marry. THIS IS not entirely wrong but ladies you need to understand God does not encourage a long courtship period, examples of people dating for 5,6 years before marrying  may be done because of unforeseen circumstances. Courtship, getting to know each other is done with the intention of marrying soon because you are working towards it. Sexual temptation will come and it's REAL. Look at the world now, so many people lose their virginity before High School! So in saying that to be an increase not a deficit but an asset to your marriage you must endeavor to finish part of education before entertaining a guy. You must understand what God has called you to do in your single life besides pursuing motherhood and tending a lovely home when married. FORGET that marriage where one spouse dropped his schooling because God called him to preach. Forget that example of that wife that dropped out of college and now is blessed to be a stay at home wife. Those people had their own calling on their lives. You are different. Understand God wants the best for you, to be a proverbs 31 woman, a woman who uses her hands to work and makes wealth, you do just that and finish your education. If you are no where near complete with school, sis your boy of interest and person you most contact should be JESUS CHRIST ONLY.

Those are the three critical things you really need to ask yourself sis. Have you done all 3? If so, do you feel ready for God to bring your husband to you? If so, you may then meet someone that God ministers to you and matches God's will for you, then God knew the time is perfect. Go ahead and start courtship to lead into marriage;  Then start to share you heart and intimate moments with him. Start to pray, do bible study, and talk about the future together. I want to share with you this really awesome process my Church uses to help guide you once you may have found the will of marriage for you. It's called the Marriage Committee. 

So basically you don't come to the marriage committee when this person has proposed to you and you already skipped the intent of this committee. This committee helps you, by praying with you about the will of God, God has revealed to you in your private prayer. Once you hear God minister to you about a person, feelings spiritually and not only physical have been birthed you approach the marriage committee at my church and they start to pray with you! They intercede to God on your behalf because, listen SIS marriage is FOR LIFE, so prayers from righteous people are important! Once the marriage committee has also confirmed with you he is the one, they let the pastor know and he also prays.The committee discourages brother and sister relations before the marriage committee process is over. Listen at this point sis, if that man is for you, what God has for you will be for you, so don't fear if the committee or Pastor say no. After all these confirmations they approach the guy and let him know the will of God for him concerning you, and then he also prays about it. I have heard many stories in which the Guy also heard Gods will for you sis. So truly when you do things GOD's way, God will truly bless you!

Sister rest in Jesus. Cherish your single years. Have your butterflies and heart flutters come from Jesus. Your husband in Christ will find you without all the temporary theatrics the world uses. 

Psalm 37:7

 Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: 

(Me street evangelizing this past Wednesday!)

From your Sister in Christ with a Servants Heart,

Janet Adeola Songonuga

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Letter: Dear Dad

Below you will find an open letter for fathers everywhere. I am writing this in a way to convict any brother or sister reading this, as well as to bring glory to God. Here it goes..

Dear Dad,

We look up to you for examples on how we will be treated by the men in  our lives.  So, please, please, please, love your wife! A well loved mother really is one of the best gifts you can give to me. I am looking unto your marriage covenant as the standard of marriage. How you treat your wife is how I'll expect to be treated in my own marriage someday, which means you need to be showcasing marriage as it is presented in the scriptures: Christ (the husband) sacrificially loving and dying for His bride, the church (the wife). Good, godly dads will desire THE very best for me we thank God, but your marriage must be backing that up! Its incredibly confusing to tell me to wait for a man who faithfully loves and cherishes me, when I turn around and don't see you doing so with my mother. It's hypocritical and causes major trust issues. You are the first love of my life. I look up to you as my hero! So set the standard high for the man I am marry by being that type of man from the very beginning. "Be the standard she judges all men against." Prove to me that there are men who are trustworthy. Show me that there are good men in the world and I deserve to be treated with the utmost honor, respect, dignity, and love. Actively pursue my heart by taking me out on dates!  And as I grow up, constantly remind me of my great value, worth, and beauty (always tell your daughter that she's beautiful). If I know and feel this, I in turn will learn to value and cherish myself as well.

Protect and Provide for Her. 

Make sure I always know I am safe and secure with you. That I can always come to you for anything and everything with the expectation that you will lovingly take care of and help me, hear me out, and extend grace. You should be the one I run to when I cry. When the world feels like it's crashing in (and it will feel like that to her as she gets older) be that protector and defender that God has called you to be! You've been called to be my provider in regards to her physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Always be for me, not against me, and after my greatest joy.

Encourage and Teach Her. 

Be involved in my education, and I mean that in every regard. Know how I doing in school and encourage me to do well. Challenge me to grow in me hobbies and interests. Help me to gain confidence and wisdom in what I love. Show me how to treat others and what to value.

Bless and Delight in Her.

Being a dad can be a super fun job. I'm all for parents treating their kids. After all, don't you think God treats His kids beyond what they deserve? I'm pretty convinced He does. Our Heavenly Father desires to give us good gifts and bless us in ways particular to each of us. More and more I think dads should just have fun with their kids. Jesus was fun!

Pastor Her 

Pray over and with me, read the Bible stories, go to church, and ask what she's learning about Jesus. You've been called to be the spiritual leader of your home. Engage with your daughter's walk with the Lord throughout her entire life. As a parent your job will be to reflect the love of Christ to your daughter and teach her to walk in His ways.

Make Her a Priority. 

Don't put your work above me. Learn when to say "no" to your work and hobbies in order to be present in my life. Make it a point to be at as many recitals, concerts, games, birthday, and events as possible. By doing so you're showing me that family really is more important than work and that I am of high value to you and your time.

Tonight nearly half of the children in this country will go to be without their daddies tucking them into bed and kissing them goodnight. This is a travesty. Maybe some of you grew up in that home yourself. Or the father God gave you wounded you deeply. My heart goes out to you and I know God grieves over this greatly. I'm not excusing your earthly father's behavior whatsoever, but I also want you to know that Christ has not called you to follow down that same path. Christ is summoning you to be a better man. Christ has called all men to parent their children well, just as He parents His children. As an earthly father you'll bear the great responsibility of showcasing many of the attributes of the Heavenly Father to your child. This is not to be taken lightly. Be that man God has called you to be for your daughter, for she will be a sweet and precious gift that the Lord has entrusted to you. Rely on His strength and grace to help you when the time comes. When the ball finally gets passed to you, don't drop it.

40% Of females turn to Sexual Perversion just because of a lack of a strong father figure in their life.   We must do better.

If you are a father and you realize you are in error. It's not too late for you to turn around. But you must understand it's not by your wisdom and grace alone that you can be a better father to your daughter. You must repent of your wrong doing and receive Jesus into your life. After that you must then go back to your daughters and apologize and start living the mentioned above.

If you are a man but not yet married, make sure you understand the responsibility that comes with having a child, especially a daughter! You must make sure you too have received Jesus into your life so by God's grace he can help you raise daughters that wont be found at clubs, and in sexual perverse circles but daughters that love God and respect themselves.

If you are a daughter and realize your earthly father has not done the above, and you miss his presence in your life, you too must receive Jesus into your life. Jesus is the best father. But pray for your earthly father if you still have one. God will change him.

(My wonderful Father and sisters)

Lets Connect on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram 

From your Sister in Christ with a Servants Heart,

Janet Adeola Songonuga

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You were not made to be Alone

Friday, July 12th, 2013

In Genesis 2:18 it reads:

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

It is not good for a man or woman to be alone. I pray many come to understand. Despite the leval of education, wealth, or independence you gain, the desires to be with someone and recieve companionship may still be there. As woman we may try to suppress the desire but the estrogen injected in us is not a mistake. We can't run from the desire, we can only channel it to not let it over burden us to sin, and or enter destructive relationships.  :( . The best way to channel this desire is serving our creator God, and through him the man he created for you to be with will come. Yes a woman's match according to scripture is only a man and not a woman. God made no mistake in creating your love match. 

Men, no matter how much God is blessing you, as he increases your wealth and wisdom you  should still endeavor to find a wife. It was in the beginning of time after God increased Adam in work and wealth he brought to him his help meet and beautiful wife Eve. If Adam the richest man on earth, living in the garden of Eden needed a wife well brother you were called to have one too. 

So you may then be wondering if you are a guy, “why doesn't God just bring my wife to me Janet?” Or if you are a woman you may ask why doesn't God just place me in front of my husband? Since the fall of man, after Eve ate the forbidden fruit and corrupted a sin free world, God gave us free will. It's our choice who we choose to pursue. This is why it says in the bible:

Key word FIND. A man of God will find you ladies. Rest in God. (I will def blog more about ways to be content in your single season) 

Men you must pursue to find your wife!

You see, strong man of God and even man whom are pastors are married. They understand God's commandment and that because God created a woman out of a man they are both ultimately made to be one and work as a team. I pray this doesn't offend anyone but the pope in the Roman Catholic church is really for show. Many go to him for prayers and leave with their souls still empty. The Roman Catholics really zero in on Paul from the bible and mandate anyone whom aspires to be a high ranking officer in the church to abstain from marriage. Paul, a great disciple abstained from marriage. We must not make this mistake! Paul was separated and set apart and given a task to travel great amounts of distances to preach the gospel. Many Nuns and Priests barely travel.  Please if you feel you are to follow in Paul's footsteps make sure you are hearing it from God not from man-made rules. If the bible is read correctly it actually states some requirements of a pastor:

1st Timothy 3:2 

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, 

Take some time for this to sink in.

(2nd Corinthians 5:13)

Lastly DO NOT make this mistake and not pray for marriage due to past mistakes and hurts. I will be blogging on keeping your purity; but if you are no longer a virgin, have overcame the sin of masturbation or have children, you are not excluded from marriage if you are now living for Christ and are now Born Again. When you give your life to Jesus you become a new creature in Christ. The old has passed away and your slate of mistakes has been wiped clean.  If you haven't given your life, or need to rededicate your life to Christ, it's never too late. Do it today. Now you are living for God sis keep praying, God will bring you a God-Fearing Spouse.

(Me praying at the GCEN Christian Resource Expo)

Lets Connect on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram 

From your Sister in Christ with a Servants Heart,

Janet Adeola Songonuga

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